Our Brain

[Sparrisen]

This week, I've net been talking to a wall that much. Mostly, because I've not been alone alot, and it just feels weird to do that with people around.

My goal this week was to be absolutetly sexual deluxe during night.

It started this tuesday, I took place by the bar counter and started leering. What I did was twofold:

1: I imagined all the dancing girls around me being naked
2: I imagined what I would do to those naked girls

Some people I knew dropped by and tried to say hello. I mostly just did not react to them, I was in my own headspace, looking like a total fucking creepy leering retard.

Anyway I shut everything off, except boobs and pussy for about 30 minutes.

Then a girl walked by.

She was smoking HOT.

And you know, sometimes, when you think "...Should I?" This was NOT one of those times. I was not thinking at all, I just went up, with a deeper voice than I've ever had, coming all the way from my balls, and said:

HEY

I didn't say much more, I started touching her, talking some weird bullshit, that I don't even remember. She really liked it, although, she confessed she was lesbian, and her GF was here. I repeated the process a few times more, with positive results, but they all had boyfriends etc.

Then I saw this glory girl playing with her phone. Usually, you'd go like "oh no, not now, she's on her phone", but I of course didn't give a fuck, went up in the same manner, and I kissed her after 5 minutes, then towed her upstairs for a private chat.
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This isn't really who I am in my daily life. I was like a battering ram. This was a new persona coming through.
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[Sparrisen]

Our brain pt2

I was at a talk, about two months ago, by a very famous selfdeveloper, and he pitched the idea, that we all have multiple personalities, but it doesn't stop us from getting on with our daily lives. And if it DOES stop us, we end up in the nuthouse.

So, we have different personalities, that we should pop out, when we wanna pick up a girl for example. In your normal life, you're probably a mix of the following

Conservative,
Caring,
Thinking,

or something like that, while, for picking up a chick, the OPPOSITE would be awesome:

Adventerous,
irreverent
don't-give-a-shit



Anyhow, your personalities, are responsible for what you feel in the given moment.

Surely, you've sat at home at times, fully enjoyed yourself, and surely, you've been in the exact same situation, and been biting your nails and climbing the walls, because you want to do something else.

Perhaps you've gone to a party, not even felt like it, but then *snapped* into it. WHere it just went from shit to, awesome, in record time.
Perhaps you've loathed doing the dishes, for a long time, but once you get AT IT, it's not actually that bad at all.

So, what's then, REALLY YOU???

If you can behave, respond, or act in ways that doesn't make SHIT SENSE, in regards to how you acted earlier? Before you DIDN'T WANNA PARTY, you said NO, but now you WANT TO.
If you make different DECISIONS, what then, is really you?

It's the willpower underneath. If you can force yourself to do something, that you DON'T WANT TO DO, usually a helpful self, will snap into place. You will change selves at will, having a beneficial self there. FORCE IT THERE.

Also, the speaker thought that that was what meditation was like. You stop thinking all your dumb thoughts, and instead you willpower emerge. The real you.

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[Sparrisen]

Our brain pt3

So I had great success with that mindset wednesday, moderate at thursday (well I got a lesbian girl go kiss me), OK at friday (I spent the night with a really shy girl, where nothing happened, but she wanted to hang out the next day), and absolutetly shit at saturday.

I had an INCREASINGLY hard time to snap into this. I must've stood leering for up about two hours yesterday. And it looked like this, in my head:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kne67pSaALg

Mmm, alright there's a cutie: NO CLOTHES....

...hmm wonder when that self will snap into place?

...Am that a hardon I'm sensing? Will I transform now?

.. Oh what, the hardon DIED?

COMON THINK OF CHICKS. There's one, semi-pretty. Naked now. What would I do with you?

...This guy was really looking at me strange...

...I wonder if the girls will be so creeped out after this that they will even talk to me...

... FOCUS:: GIRLS!!!

...Oh hardon? Here we go! Now we're getting there!

...What it died?

...Fuck I have to focus. No bullshit thoughts. I didn't think of ANYTHING this monday. Just naked chicks.

...naked naked naked naked naked naked

...I guess that's what it's about... Not thinking, just being a beast... fuck now I'm thinking...


And on and on and on... like that as I was getting a concious understanding of what I was doing, I also started to analyze, it AS I WAS DOING IT. And we all know that the scientist don't mack all the hoes.

I FUCK DIDN'T HAVE THE WILLPOWER TO SHUT THE REST OF THE SYSTEM DOWN. These bullshit thoughts were getting in on the action, and I've NEVER SEEN IT THAT CLEARLY BEFORE.

---------I was not in control of my own mind------

[Sparrisen]

I've reached something of a useful conclusion here.

Sometimes, I'm a raging wildfire with girls.
However, most of the time, I just suck.

That is the point blank truth. What I do, it LOOKS GOOD, from a distance, and all people are suitably impressed, but I KNOW. Most of the time, I suck, and some of the time, chicks fall out of the sky, and land upon my cock.

And it's happened enough now, that I've found out a pattern. I mean, I KNEW ABOUT THIS ALREADY, but I didn't fucking know how powerful it was.

-The first time, was in stockholm, when I first started to play around with actively arousing myself around girls. I was a mindless sexmachine, and all I wanted was to fuck.
-There was a few other times, when i was drunk like shit.
-Another breakthrough, was when I started to dance, and I felt really worried about this at first, so I COULDN'T GIVE A SHIT, about anyone else. I blocked EVERYTHING ELSE OUT, except the music, and let that flow through my body.
-There was a few other times as a student, when I was drunk like fuck.
-A few other times, when I was tired as shit, having talked to so many chicks, that I sincerely just did the first thing that came to mind.
-There was a few times when I said to myself, "this is my last day alive-let's kick it", and ceased all brain activity, not related to having fun.
-There were a few times this week where I just thought of sex, and nothing else.

The pattern is:
1:DON'T THINK
2:DON'T PLAN
3:DON'T WORRY
4:SAY THE WORDS THAT COME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH
5:DO THE FIRST THINGS THAT COMES INTO YOUR MIND, EVEN IF YOU DON'T KNOW THE NEXT STEP


THIS is what I did, when I blocked out everything but the music, and just danced.
This is what I did, when I made myself so horney I couldn't control myself
This is what I do when I'm drunk
This is what i do, when I'm too tired
---I shut off the fucking inner monolouge, and just go.

THAT IS FUCKING HARD FOR ME TO SWALLOW. Because I can't plan shit. I cannot be like "HAHA- I'm gonna say this amazing piece of shit, that got me the girl last time!" - (I've tried that, it doesn't fucking work the second time.) I must accept that any good shit that comes out of me, is amazing for that moment only, and will be useless the next night. I must again, the next night, start over, with KNOWING NOTHING, improvising up new shit, CONSTANTLY REINVENTING MYSELF, because I believe that it's the creativity, and fearlessness of doing so, that REALLY is attractive.