What's the point.

[Sparrisen]

I write this at the point of some distress
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Yea, I wrote my exam, I crushed it powerfully due to having studied inhumanely for a month. Machinelike.

Afterwards, I feel like; what now?

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The only reason as to why I could study like that, is that I've previously concluded that emotions are shit. So, when I sat studying, and I felt like "Oh this fucking sucks", I took the chance to reinforce my studying for the dual purpose of:
1: Studying, and
2: Training my brain to go against my emotions
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So after writing the exam, I looked for the next goal. And I was like, what do I want to do?

And what I would WANT to do, is based upon emotion.
Albeit, I've learned that my own emotions are deceptive and just promotes lazyness.
So maby I should just make a LOGICAL desicion of what to do.

But LOGICALLY, you don't really want to do much at all. Logically our fleeting existance here on earth is ultimately pointless.

______________________
Logically, life is pointless

Not very reassuring.
So maby, maby, I say- MABY, I should base my decisions upon emotions instead. To use my newfound endurance to emotions to purge myself from negative and limiting emotions, and rather indulge in grand feelings. (Even though, the thought of indulging in emotions seems like going back to being braindead. It's revolting and repulsing, it'll mean I'll only become a lesser Me!Me!Me!-thinker again.)

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To not be able to justify my existance logically has punched a hole through my soul. It's almost like I might as well be dead, the thought isn't all that unappealing.
TO die would however inflict such a barricade of unpleasant emotions that this cute little rant will surely wane in comparison.
_______________________

To hunt for the fountain of youth then, seems to be a goal. I haven't seen a pretty death so far, and I doubt my own will be any better. Death wrecks the normality and neutrality of every day in twain. For seconds, we're forced to look at it, realize that everything we build up, is ultimately pointless.

One day we will die. And no one will care. We may speak of Einstein today, but we speak of his theories, we do not care about the man.
The man is forgotten, his work remains.
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Isn't that an interesting thing? When the normality of life gets interrupted, you wake from the daydream, and you're forced to focus in. It happens when you realize something might actually hurt you. It happens when you take your time to actually see what surrounds you, take a real look.
And it's scary. We don't want to look. We don't want to see. We just want to dream on. Not think too far ahead. One foot in front of the next. The grass is always greener on the other side, and when we get there, we realise that the green grass, is just one step further away. Constantly one step further away.

Modern life is chasing illusions. Tricking yourself your safe. When reality kicks in, most people just refuse to believe it. Their brain just fries and they stand there like they just had a turd of cow-shit on the inside of their skull.

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I think I'm turning somewhat into emerys here. He to me is the image of existential angst, and it took me half a year, for what he said to resonate with me on a deeper level.
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To be happy? Happyness is yet another emotion. Is it worth striving for? If you could take a drug that would make you permanently happy but forever a vegetable, would you take that drug?

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I haven't really found a solution to this yet. I think, humanity is not MEANT to have everything he desires. For it he gets that, the chance is big that he will start to wonder, WTF is really goin on.

[Bernhardt]

I think that it's accepting human limits that enables you to start pursuing a meaningful life. Otherwise you'll always be on the lookout for exceeding your current potential. This leads to a very egocentric life and the case of always running out of time. And you will run out of time.

[Oynamak]

I somehow realized smth, but I dont know what at all.

Emotions. They are based on past, futur. Present is just the moment you feel them, it's the effect, effect of what? A cause that affects our thinking, where the now does not matter at all. So the cause is futur and past - actually just waht we are thinking about most of the time, or we combine smth now ( the catalysator) with smth happened in the past/future.

So if we give ourselves enough causes* to a catalysator, we get an effect, emotions. (Also, this kind of emotions are "good" or "bad". People then are like "I feel bad, because of XY, where XY could be now, from past or futur. or I feel good because of XY etc. Now when they rate their feelings with "I feel so bad, because", they will feel worser. The I feel bad is a feeling, the because, is a thought. Thoughts make feelings worser. So if you say, you feel good, because XY, you'll feel better. Your thoughts makes it better - better than it is. An illussion, so when the illusion fades, you'll feel bad again, because you somehow realize that it aint that good, and then it aint "good", but it gets "bad", maybe because of the dissapointment, but probably because of thoughts again.
But feelings are ALWAYS good. There are no bad feelings, only natural feelings. If you feel bad (not because of thoughts), its good, because its natural. Only our thoughts make emotions bad. "Uh he's crying, thats bad". We want to change his emotion, because we rate it bad because of XY. But when the tears are natural, then just let it go. And if you do, you will feel so much better afterwards. This is when feelings are natural.
Feelings made out of thoughts, aren't natural. Like, crying because of thoughts, not because you actually felt like crying (again past, future but not present).
Unnatural feelings won't have the same effect afterwards. Let's say there's a scala 0 to 10. 0 is unhappiest, 5 is neutral happy, and 10 is happiest. You have natural feelings with happinessgrade 1, you don't doubt your feelings with your brain abusing you with thinking you'll end up with 9 happiness afterwards (to keep the balance, which is 5).
So you'll feel happier after you felt unhappy.
Now unreal unhappiness, grade 1 again. You are unhappy because of your thinking. When you're done (lets say youre done feeling unhappiness grade 1), you wont have to balance your happiness, because unnatural emotions dont need this, since they are not real. They are made out of your thoughts, so you could change them from 0 to 10, from 2 to 7 to 3 all the time depending on your thoughts. So after 1, it's depending on your thoughts where you'll land. Also, unreal emotions can last longer. For days, weeks, years. Anger, hatred, sometimes also love. But naturally you will not be angry or full of hate for long. You need a balance. Unnaturally you can feel this bad or this angry as long as you want. (or as long as you think haha)


*something in the past/futur, where past could be like *this or that made me feel this good or this bad", and futur: "I feel feel better/worser because of this/that"

** smth happening now

Catalysater (now) + cause (thinking, past,futur) = effect (unnatural emotions). This is the forumale when human identifies himself with what he thinks (like believe everyting hes thinking).
Natural emotions only have a catalysator. the more causes, the more unnatural emotions.



Because I kinda stopped feeling "good" or "bad" because of this or that happening now or soon in my live.
I've had school from 8.00  untill 15.30  5 days a week and had to work 5 days a week from 17.00 to 23.00-1.30, and 1-2 tests or presentations every day (last 2 school weeks). Previously, I would have felt bad everyday, because I would have thought "damn, no time for me. fuck school, and working omg, i dont want to to this". I would have felt washed out after a few days, too broken to learn when I had time. I didnt even get money for the work as cook/waiter, and I had 1 day where I didnt work after school and today is first free day after that week.
Prior, I would have thought "FUCK!" the whole week and I would have feet KICKASS today, on my first and only free day.
But I didnt think about how much I have to do, and how much time I dont have to do nothing (being lazy). I just woke up and did my day. Ok, i woke up. I did everything, took a shower, ate some.. Normally I was like "Ok its 6.32, bus goes at 6:53. Shower takes 5 minutes, eating 7 mins.. and there I go with my planning. Where I realize now, that the planing took time too - and I missed the bus sometimes prior. Now, I just do all things I need to do, get ready, and when im ready i look at the clock, and I sometimes had time left.
There was no stress, because I didnt make myself stress. YOU stress yourself, nothing else. not the situation you're in, its always you.
So I did this the whole day, and I felt a grade of happiness 5-10 during the days, I seldom felt tired or fucked, even while working or afterwards. I enjoyed the time I had between and accepted or even enjoyed the time while school/work too. Normally you did your stuff and you were in past/future with your brain (daydreaming), like "yeah its crap now, but I will be able to chill later, I will feel good later". I didnt spend much time on that.

Now, maybe it was, because I didnt have time to think at all. Because, today, on my free day, a rainy day. Not heavy, but sometimes, and a little bit dusty. Not much to do, but enjoing the day at home. Or not. I think I just have too much time to think. Im young, I've got alot of energy, I wasted on either doing something or thinking. I'm able to not daydream when I'm doing something. Be it cooking, driving to school with bus or waiting for smth, or any action where you could drift away with your thoughts a little bit. But when you do nothing, you're alone with your thoughts. Now that I wasnt alone with my thoughts for a whole week, which is seldom, since I never have to work 5 days a week while I have school, and there arent as many tests etc., I kinda forgot to care about my thoughts, and to not take them too serious. I could not relax at all. But after writing this I guess I have the answer. Yeah, got it.

[PimpFather]

"I think, humanity is not MEANT to have everything he desires. "

You are really contradicting yourself IMHO.

There are two major pathways to look at the meaning of life:

1) There is a meaning created by somebody(-thing), like a god, and we are trying to find out what that meaning is. In many cases there is a written "meaning" or set of rules for this - like the bible.

2) There is no "higher" meaning at all. It is up to you if you want to make some meaning of life or not.

In the quotation above you go for the first, but lots your "logical" arguments go for the second. Make up your mind which of the two you believe in and move on.

/ Pimp