Honesty

[Sparrisen]

I think if people just were more honest, things would be cooler. I mean seriously, how many times a day do you nod and smile at some stuff that you really wouldn't give a shit about?
Most of the time the person telling you that kind of bullshit isn't even really interested in YOU, but in YOUR opinion of HIM/HER. Another form of dishonesty. People try to play each others all the time. Ending up on top. People want to be the best, which actually implies: better than everyone else.

I want to be better than YOU. I speak to YOU, because I want to be better than YOU, and you LISTEN and nod to this bullshit because if you DIDN'T, this persons opinion of YOU might drop. So you nod and smile. There's no value there. It's mutual dishonesty. Yesterday I had one new friend trying to pick up a girl. His conversation went like this.

Hi, did those piercings in your cheeks really hurt?
(no they didn't)
Oh, so does it hurt when kissing?
(no it doesn't)
WHAT, it doesn't huurt when kissing?
(No you don't feel it)
Cuz I was considering piercings myself, are you sure it doesn't hurt?
(NO)
How about if you...
(girl runs away)

And I saw on this guys face, the whole time, it wasn't even "I want to fuck" it was more like "I want to have some of your attention so I can feel good about myself". I don't even think he actually liked the girl. How fucked up is that. He WOULD probably have sex with the girl, just to feel good about himself. AND THAT'S NOT GIVING. That's taking. I imagine in the morning the girl would wake up feeling used, and leave in a huff.

In how many relationships do you put up with useless bullshit just because you WANT something? You smile and wave, because you WANT something from that person. You're playing a power game. And people play you back. And the relationships you actually HAVE with people is actually a fake construct, strings and wire designed to keep up your EGO, keep people doing things for you that you can USE, and keeping yourself in good favour with "important" people.
Have you ever spent a whole day out speaking with heaps of people, and then you come home and you feel like really friggin talking to someone, or you MIGHT even feel ALONE. What the fuck did you do during that whole day?

I once met this doctor who was both a children's doctor and had some specialization where he served adults, I asked him what he liked the very best, and he said "children, of course". When I asked him WHY, he told me that they were easier to treat, and easier to engage with, because they were HONEST.

To a child:
"Does this hurt?"
"Yes." (might even cry)
To a Man:
"Does this hurt?"
"No." (looks grim) 

WHY would the man not say it hurts? His ego. He has to be a man. He has to keep affirming that he is a man. He lies to the doctor, puts himself in risk of a faulty diagnosis, the doctor does not ONLY have to diagnos the actual SYMPTOMS, he ALSO has to evaluate he person in comparison to his answer. Why even consider doing this? He's trying to PLAY the doctor to feed into his "I am a man" image.

This playing games, it makes me kinda sick.

EDIT: And what makes me even MORE sick, is that I do it myself. And THAT is just lame. I think I'm getting better though.

[Hullu]

I like you, Sparrisen. If you talk about something that's really close to you, I won't say "I don't give a shit about you or your interests". Becaus I do give a shit, since I like you.

If some random person comes to me and starts opening about his cat being dead, I won't say "stfu". I will talk to him and maybe we'll become friends! <3

[Sparrisen]

Yes, but if HE is honest, and doesn't talk to you from a "like me" perspective, he's actually offering some value, what he's saying is real and worth something.

So, I've been in Oslo for about 3 months now, the last week has been partying 24/7. Going up and down Karl Johan, the main street there, picking on every girl in eyesight.

What I've noticed is this. Sometimes you see such a stunning beauty that your jaw hits the floor. And you go up and tell her this. Exactly as you thought about it. "You were sitting in such an awsomely sexy way that I had NO choice but to come here." If it's a bit quirky it only makes it better, as long as it's 100% honest quirkyness. She will fall into you. There is NO way she cannot succumb to the powers of honesty.

Realizing this, of course I tried this with other chicks too. Chicks that were in the cathegory "I could fuck you", and you went up, explaining why you were stunned, but you're NOT authentic. Actually, you were NOT stunned. Actually you just thought "I could fuck that", and it does NOT work, telling them these things, they may say thanks, but most often they will go away. Sometimes they don't, but most of the times they don't catch on. With 99% honesty, it does NOT work. It's worth nothing.

Being Yourself Despite What's Socially Accepted

So we decided to fuck a bit with people. Not sucking up to people. But actually doing something that might be seen as really provacative.

Sparr: LOOK AT THAT (to friend)
Girl: ?
Sparr: LOOK LOOK
Girl: ??
Sparr: Are you REALLY... *EATING*?
Girl: ... umm... Yes???
Sparr: Like... Putting *food* in your mouth... And like... chewing?
Girl: Are you insane? What's up with you?
Sparr: You know what. I don't believe you.
Girl: ?
Sparr: You must be faking. You can't do *that*.
Girl: Where are you from?                        *BAM*

What's attractive with this is that I obviously do NOT give a shit about what she thinks of me. I'm NOT trying to make her like me, actually, I'm getting her to think I'm mentally retarded (but she KNOWS I'm just fucking with her). She gets attracted because that I don't give a shit about what she thinks of me, to the point where I actually put myself in an potentially embarrassing situation like that, holds the promise that my future communication with her will be AUTHENTIC. Not like.

Girl: "I like blueberry pie!"
Guy: "I like that too!(please have sex with me)"

CONTRA

Girl: "My hamster is so cute!"
Guy: "Why the fuck are we talking about your HAMSTER? in a nightclub? COME ON, this is a party! (Perhaps I would have sex with you, but I will not suck up to you in any one way, or pretend to be different than I am, or even  beinginterested in your hamster when I am not.)

Ofc if you really like hamsters, talking about hamsters in a nightclub is totally ok.
As in:

Girl: "I like blueberry pie!"
Guy: "Let's talk about hamsters"
 

[Maci]

you think WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY to much sparrisen, just be yourself, if they dont like it, screw em, and move to the next one.

[Sparrisen]

Kinda my point there^^ (backed up by empirical studies)

However, as simple as be yourself or be confident may sound, a lot needs to happen before a person who's NOT being his best self, and is not used to access that part of himself, and has a diminished sense of self worth, can actually follow those simple instructions. A person who just IS himself confidently does not really need to understand how it works - he can just enjoy. However, if you would like to bring people up to your level, you need to know what happens in the mind, and HAS happened there, that allows you to actually bring those behaviours out of yourself congruently.